Friday, 30 June 2017

#ALetterToHer. - The world is to conquer and move ahead



Honestly, I have never met with any such women who has faced domestic violence of any kind. I feel I have never sensed that dullness of faces could be a domestic violence shock. Or perhaps, if I have, I could not find traces of sadness and grief behind the smiling faces around me. It may also be that I have ignored the grins and nods being a super positive soul, who looks at only happiness all around. I have also not proactively tried to question at someone’s personal life to know why someone I know is silent or sad. Though I also feel, why none of them opened up ever? 

Is it like none of the ladies in my relation, friend circle or neighborhood or anyone I was ever in touch or I am now, took me as friendly as to share their hearts out?



Howbeit, I am well aware that it’s not easy to come out and openly express about an abusive married life of once own. We (most of the) girls are programmed to get tortured for the sake of the family. We fear of kid’s future, we fear of aging parents and we even fear of this society that never stands indifferent to a suffering women. It doesn’t matter if a woman is married or not. Even the girls, who are educated and independent, can be a victim of an abusive relationships. It also doesn’t matter if they are urban or rural, educated or uneducated, women are often in offensive relationships. So, here is a letter to all those girls who have gone through those stony days and now are done with it.

Dear Unfearful,

First of all, let me applaud for your decision of breaking shackles and coming out of a hateful life that you were living in. As a married woman, I can understand how it feels when someone as important as your life partner shatters your dreams and treats you like an object.


The first thing I vowed on the day of my marriage was that I shall do everything that it takes to maintain my bond of love with my husband. And I know that almost every girls enters into marital bond with the same hope and similar dedication. Our parents presume that marriage will protect us and let us have a small world of our own. However, sometimes the pressure of keep adjusting in a new family ruins our own identity.

When one’s relationship with her life mate becomes painful, when there is no respect and absolutely no LOVE, the girl slowly enters into the slaying.  When she is abused every day, when suddenly home no longer remains the best place in this world for her, it is a clear indication of her fall and betrayal from her own family members. She keeps on bearing this with the hope of change and better days in future. Unfortunately if, she is let down repeatedly, she feels scared. She finds herself, stunned that her own family members are doing this to her. She tries to hide it from the outer world, thinking this would be more painful for her close ones. She even thinks there is no way out! Dear, I can only imagine what you must have gone through. Possibly, you have seen even more mental and physical humiliation. I can only build castles in the air as only you can voice what you have actually gone through!

You know, this world is driven by certain rules. Every rise has a fall and every fall can again see a rise. I am not sure in which stage you are right now. If you have left those throbbing days of violence behind and have started your life again with the hope of good days back, I am really happy for you! I would like to give a pat on your back to defeat the sorrows and to make happiness again. This is the right decision and this is the only way to get your dignity back. Live for yourself, for your kids if you have and for your close ones who always want to see you gleeful. However, if you still reminiscing those moments every day, let me tell you this is never going to heal you. Those scars need a treatment and only the euphoria of happiness and confidence can help you. You have to create it. You have to leave your past and look for future.

You have already proved the world that an abusive relationship is not for giving in. It needs correction with re-establishing the purpose being in that relationship again. But at times there is no solution; then like you did, one should break the cycle of getting traumatized every day.

Dear, I am with you and many of women like me are also along. Speak up if you need help. Talk if you feel distressed. And make yourself stronger than ever. Be examples for others who are going through abusive life as you have seen. Inspire them to not to feel alone and help them to come out of it. The aim of this letter is not to remind you that once you were venerable. With my letter, I want to convey my feelings as I see you on a brightening path. Feel valued and feel empowered. The world is to conquer and move ahead!

Lots of strength and love from my side.

~ Shipra

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Meena Kandasamy’s latest novel, When I Hit You, is a smart, bold and courageous take on traditional wedlock in our country. I want to read it to feel empowered and  encouraged. Women should know that domestic violence cannot stop them living a life that they deserve. 

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