Wednesday, 21 December 2016

Emotional weight of being a wife

A few days back, I had a fight with my husband. And as always happens, after a couple of counter arguments, I had to stop. The fight was then dominated by my better half and eventually I was in tears. It’s being four years, I am trying to understand him but I failed and the cost was always very painful. During our heated talks, he asked me if I know the meaning of being a wife. Since then this question is hitting me till deep. Am I not a wife (good or bad is next thing)? Am I not somebody with whom he wants to spend his life? Am I having some problem which is hindering me from being a wife (at least)?

As my profession gives handy, I googled this question, “What is being a wife?” And I found most of the answers/blogs/posts about this topic are written by women writers. The first page of my search result was full of advice from female audience and almost all of them suggest that women need to do more. But one thing surprised me that there was no such post in which any male has given suggestion on how to help your marriage. Or, at least I couldn’t get any on my first search page. I also found out those posts were divided into two categories. First, n things good wives go and second, n things good wives don’t do. I went through each of them carefully but none of the articles can answer my queries. What is being a wife? I have no courage to ask this very question to my husband who has originated it. I don’t want him to raise many other questions around this. I am scared of his questing ability!

Many of us are raised with the ideologies that a good wife sacrifices everything for her family. A good wife is patient with her husband's quirk. She never nags, flaunts, or demands. Okay, I may not be fitting on each of these criteria but this doesn’t mean I don’t comply to be a wife. I find this an injustice that my husband is asking me this question with whom I have spent my four precious years of life. When for every success of mine, I have given credit to him. When for every problem, I have taken help from him. And when every of my prayers I have wished to strengthen our relationship. However, I feel this is often assumed that relationship problems are meant to be fixed by women with giving MORE. "Wives are the fixers" pattern is one I still find despite we are part of a so-called new generation. 

Everything has changed and got advanced with time but there are few things which are still hanging in between. Like, the definition of a good wife and a good mother.
With increasing emotional weight of being a wife, I often find it suffocating and slaying when I am expected to behave well for whole 365 days. I go out, meet diverse people, deal with problems, get frustrated with my failures and it is possible I fail to understand situations at home. I may behave inappropriately but this never means I hate being a wife. Or, I hate being in this relationship. I have far more value of this thing in my life and I fall for it. But sometimes I am wrong and I expect correction then. However, I don’t like this questing over my commitment for being A WIFE. I am picking pieces when our relationship gets hurt but I need help at times and who better can help me other than my husband! 

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