Friday, 4 November 2016

Like the moon, marriages have phases

After each heated argument with my husband, I get into derivating to which direction our married life is going. It's been 4 years since I am living with this man, who is my husband; still, I am not able to understand him. OR, he is not able to identify my feelings. I tend to get thoughts like “ He doesn’t listen to me, perhaps he doesn’t love me like before. We don’t talk much now and he is always busy with TV or his phone." But am I losing it really? Is it only me who is feeling that his/her married life is in conflicting stage or any one else also things so?
With best of my inquisition about relationships, I now can say all relationships mature in phases. And right now my married life is also passing through one of its phases. All new age married couples with complex lifestyle are going through such time and I am no different. The first phase of any married life is the romance, passion or honeymoon feel. This can end immediately after marriage or can last as long as a couple of years. If one is sensing those lovey-dovey feelings are fading, the fact of matter is his/her relationship is maturing into the next phase.
I now believe my (or yours also) married life is maturing into the reality or realization phase. Once tolerated habits are now intolerable. Intimacy has no value. Our (husband -wife) focus is over our son instead of each other. We, husband -wife, know that we love each other but expressing it in words now seems an over expectation. I discovered love, by itself, cannot sustain this relationship. Commitment and action must follow love. However, I am little relieved that it's not happening with me only and it's not a bad thing at all. Calm down if you are in this type of spell these days. It’s not gone; it’s transforming into next shape.
As per some research, marriages typically move through a series of at least four stages. 'Romance,Passion' phase, then comes 'Realization' phase, then 'Power Struggles' phase and finally 'Beginning Again' phase. Each stage gives a couple unique learning opportunities and blessings, along with challenges and obstacles. Knowing that marriage has stages helps relieve anxiety and stress during times of trouble. I also feel any marital journey requires openness and flexibility. As the moon goes through phases with time, every married life goes through fronts when couples love and hate each other. They care and ignore each other. They may decide to move on or give a second chance to their relationship. But the key to a happy married life is being supple and re-inventing it again. it’s a spark waiting for couples to give it back its life. With realization, I am learning to be flexible in tough times. I am practicing with my inner self to think as a wife first then as an individual. I am trying my best to give my heart into it. And I am sure some day my better half would recognize that we have found our love back, which is mature but still so pure! 

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