Friday, 21 October 2016

"The most important" thing to do before having kids

If you google this topic "Things to do before having kids", you would get 'N' number of links and some of them can even tell you more than 50 things you should do before having kids. What one should do before having kids depends upon that person's liking, personality and feasibility of-course. But I think, the most mattering much thing one should do before kids is "Spending as much good time as one can with his/her spouse". I'm saying this because of my own experience. My son is 15 months old now and being a working mother, I get very less time for my dear husband. 
My husband is a very thoughtful person and he's in habit of calculating future situations. Decision of becoming parents was a meticulous move in our case. Thanks to my husband, he was always with me and I can't imagine my parenting world without him. After becoming a mother, I'm enjoying best days of my life. My toddler is super active and very jolly. Because of him, I started smiling and laughing even more. And I'm very contended with my life. But one thing which I miss is spending quality time with my husband. Before my son came into our lives, we were so much involved with each other. We used to care for each other more and used to enjoy with each other more. Here are few things which I look back now:
1. Watching movies : My husband is a big movie lover so he made me watch some of the master pieces of movie flicks. Hollywood, Bollywood and  regional, he can watch any type of good movie even with subtitles in case of regional movies. We used to watch movies late night and at times we spent whole night in watching back to back movies. I used to prepare something to eat during watching movie and we used to enjoy movies lying on bed/couches comfortably. I miss this a-lot because now, all we want is "Sleep through the night".
2. Eating out : Although my husband is not an admirer of dining out but I love going out for dinner. First reason is, this brings change in usual taste of food and second you enjoy being out with your partner. Now I can't go out because all the time I'm or my husband is managing our son and we no longer enjoy that "eating together with chatting" now.
3. Singing old songs : We both husband-wife love singing and that's why we used to sing together a lot before we became parents. We love old hindi songs of sixties and seventies. My husband's childhood was around his good singer Mamas ( my mother in-law's brothers) so he knows many folk songs and he sings them very well. I miss him singing now. All we sing now is lullabies or kids rhymes.
4. Quality time : We never get ourselves alone now. So we get very little time for each other. Even after office, we give most of our times to our son and then we need rest. If somehow we manage to get some time, we now talk about how to improve our parenting. Those silly talks that we used to do are gone away. I used to tease him with asking "How much you love me ?" and he used to give me a new answer every time. I miss being with him as a foolish wife. 
5. Taking care of each other : Now our complete attention is for our son. We don't give much heed to each other. We assume that we'll take care of ourselves. So I miss doing things especially for him like cooking his favorite food frequently, ironing his cloths and letting him do what he wants to do. I now keep on telling him getting things from market. If he's watching TV, I make him hold feeding bottle of my son while I do other pending domestic chores and even when we hit the bed, he makes our son sleep because I sleep early to get up early. I admit, I don't care much for him and its all because I need his help in managing office and home together. Many times I don't do things for him because I'm running out of energy. From a caring wife, I now became a selfish wife.
There are many other points one should consider before planning to be a mother/father, like financial planning, vacations, sleeping enough, visiting friends and relatives etc.. But for me spending time with my husband was the most doting and meaningful thing I did.That time will never come back in my life.That's why I think spending some more time focusing on each other (husband-wife) will give one a strong foundation to draw on when he/she has kids and things get harder (which he/she tend to do).

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