Friday, 21 October 2016

Gender disappointment, let's Break It..

Have you heard the term "Gender disappointment"? You guessed it right! This is something related to giving birth to a baby and getting a blow after knowing the baby's gender. Not many of us have done that I am sure. However, there are women who have done so as they all were expecting a different gender child. In India this gender disappointment generally comes into scene when a woman (or her family) was expecting a boy and finally a girl child is handed over to her. Every woman wants to be a mother some day in her life ( I know expectation can be there). She struggles, cries and bears painful time of pregnancy just to become a mother. Then how come she falls into this blue feeling of disappointment?
This so-known phenomenon "Gender disappointment" is present in our society since ages. My mother faced it because she birthed two girls whereas her in-laws were expecting a boy both the times. Most recent case I witnessed when my sister in-law was pregnant second time. She was already mother of a beautiful and super active girl that time. When second time she was expecting, all the family members including her mother (my mother in-law) was willing for a boy. What eventually happened made everyone gloomy except me and my husband. It was a girl child again. We were not even informed that my sister in-law delivered her baby safely. When we called to know about her health as she was close to due date, we came to know that because of this whole gender disappointment, they didn't inform us. My sister in-law even didn't talk to us because she was in deep mental distress. I am sure she had no issues with her second girl child but the family pressure and expectations made her fall into this fizzle.
Time has changed and so have changed most of the people. It's "most of the people" because still exists people who prefer boys over girls. If mother is from new generation, her old generation family members make her feel guilty of birthing a girl. I am really shocked to meet such people who still think girls bring misfortune for the family. Still happening when old ladies from family analysed pregnancy symptoms for predicting gender of the unborn baby. And based on this vague assumption, they even start naming the baby. Such people live in confusion and fancy world, and when doctor declares it's a girl, they get floored. Mother, in such conditions, is left with the only option to break into tears. She considers herself unfortunate and feels as low as a person can feel. Even if she tries to sink it, people around her make it worse. Between growing sense of disappointment and guilt, she doesn't understand what to do!
I feel this whole world is driven by mothers and in cases where family is creating gender disappointment, new mother should take corrective steps. She should make others realize that she is blessed with a healthy baby and this is world's greatest achievement. Bringing a child in this world is no less than fighting a battle. Mourning over gender of the baby is like disregarding nature's favor when both baby and mother are safe. Now my sister in-law's second daughter is everyone's darling. She is so cute and cuddly. It's not that her family didn't accepted the fact that she has two daughters. They all love both the girls. But those few moments when her family didn't celebrated the arrival the little girl has given a life-long scar.
Whether boy or girl, every little soul deserves worm welcome and enormous love, and people should do that without a second thought. The role of a mother becomes harder in such hap because she must advocate her child's existence and gender. It's difficult. It needs a lot of patient and will power. But this is the first motherhood challenge and she has to face it for the betterment of her kid's life which is just starting. Let's be stronger mothers from the very moment we birth our babies! 

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